小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷：切尔西与利物浦握手言和，曼联输给西汉姆联，而阿森纳和曼城则顺利取胜。西甲赛场，巴萨战平毕包，连续三轮不胜；而皇马则与马竞互交白卷，再次错失登顶良机。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！
战绩不佳，曼联1-3西汉姆联
JihadDerp(英格兰球迷)：曼怜。(Moan United.)
Eff_Jay(纽卡斯尔球迷)：穆离尼奥。(Mourinhout.)
ParisHL(西汉姆联球迷)：我们不是刚在英联杯踢了麦克斯菲尔德吗，现在这是在踢第二轮？(Didn't we play Macclesfield the other day, or is this the second leg?)
ABloodEagle(曼联球迷)：我觉得穆帅得来一个三年包退换的售后服务才行…(Mourinho should come with a three year return warranty.)
break2n(英格兰球迷)：曼联还是有几个好消息的！一是这赛季利物浦和曼城至少有一支是拿不到联赛冠军的；二是曼联已经远离降级区8分之多，三是费莱尼表现很好，已经是曼联最有威胁的进攻点了！(Positives for United: At least 1 of Liverpool and City cannot win the league at a time. 8 Points clear of relegation. Fellaini looking like one of the most dangerous attacking options.)
SexyMooli(巴基斯坦球迷)：还有个好消息，就是这周不用支付桑切斯那8.5万镑的赢球奖金，简直赚翻了！(Another positive. Don't have to pay Alexis an additional £85,000 bonus this week. Quite a bargain.)
焦点之战，切尔西1-1利物浦
bluenokia2(切尔西球迷)：啊~阿扎尔，这速度，这进球，这屁股，我真是欲罢不能了…(Omg Hazard, that speed, that goal, that arse, can’t hold myself now…)
AmnesiaFX(利物浦球迷)：作为比利时的利物浦球迷，天知道我是有多纠结…(As a Belgian Liverpool fan I don't know how I feel about this...)
HankMoodyMaddafakaaa(曼联球迷)：看得我脑子都不好使了，这难道就是神仙打架么…(My mind is blown. What am i watching? Aliens fighting?)
Smrifire(切尔西球迷)：不要让这场比赛让你忘了曼联1-3输给了西汉姆联啊！(Don't let this match distract you from the fact that United lost 3-1 to West ham.)
Codespyder(曼城球迷)：踢得真好看，你们俩能不能每周都踢比赛啊？(You two can play each other every week as far as I'm concerned. What an excellent games.)
Red_Baron22(利物浦球迷)：每次阿扎尔拿球的时候，吓得我菊花都要紧100倍…(My butt is clenching intensifies 100x every time Hazard gets the ball.)
联赛三轮不胜，巴萨1-1毕尔巴鄂竞技
Arsenictue(皇马球迷)：在皇马的比赛没踢完之前，我还是别在巴萨评论区说话了…(I prefer not to speak here till our match is done too.)
Harkoncito(皇马球迷)：你们怎么能把冠军的压力推给我们呢？那我们肯定也是平局啊！(How dare you put this kind of pressure on us, we are also a draw absolutely!)
jon_stewrt(未知主队球迷)：梅西是巴萨唯一能找到幸运女神的人，然后再把女神翻个身，打她的屁屁...(Messi is the only player who could find lady luck, turn her around and give her a spanking.)
cvaldo99(巴萨球迷)：要是哪天梅西不在了，真不知道会发生什么…(One day Messi won’t be here. Idk what will happen then.)
cha54mi(未知主队球迷)：如果拉基蒂奇是为毕包踢球的话，那肯定就是场上最佳！你看他所有的球都传给毕包球员了！(If rakitic was playing with a bilbao shirt he would be their motm . Literally his passes all were to athletic players.)
yarikhh(未知主队球迷)：胡说什么呢？明明皮克才是毕包的最佳球员！(You fool, it must be Pique to win MOTM for bilbao)
互交白卷，皇马0-0马竞
Xthecreator(皇马球迷)：别泄气啊，我们假装皇马和巴萨都赢了不就得了！(Never mind, let’s just pretend we and Barcelona both won the match.)
Hamozus(皇马球迷)：今天下午我对巴萨的战术进行了细致的分析，现在我已经想到新点子了，咱也得在下半场让梅西出场才行！(I have carefully analyzed Barca's game this afternoon looking for fresh tactical ideas and I think that we need to sub in Messi at halftime.)
Mpkotabelud(皇马球迷)：也就是说，上次我们在联赛主场击败马竞的时候，教练还是穆里尼奥？(So, the last time that Real beat Atletico at home in La Liga was in Jose Mourinho period?)
Raphael1987(皇马球迷)：我开始怀念C罗的任意球了，起码不像现在这样谁都想去XJBT一脚…(I miss Ronaldo free kicks. At least there was no bullshit like this where everyone takes a try)
阿圭罗斯特林进球，曼城2-0布莱顿
Ironman122(布莱顿球迷)：输给曼城…那能叫输么？又不是每轮都能踢曼联！(It’s okay to lose to city as we can’t play against united every week.)
Do_not_tempt_me(阿森纳球迷)：感觉斯特林就会进两种球，一种是接横传推射空门，一种就是直接进世界波…(I feel like sterling scores two types of goals. These tap in that are slid across from the other side. The second type are bangers.)
njf88(曼城球迷)：哪天斯特林能进单刀了，我就把他的名字纹在丁丁上！(I will have his name tattooed on my dick when he can score a 1v1.)
图：约旦难民营中的一处足球场
厄齐尔进球，阿森纳2-0沃特福德
JJFresh814(阿森纳球迷)：我厂这赢球次数多了，段子还真就不好编了…(We are short of memes if we win too many times…)
Nachoiscool(阿森纳球迷)：今年我们能赢得争四联赛的冠军了吧！(We’re winning the 4th place trophy this year.)
Nyhrox(曼联球迷)：阿森纳是不是不知道比赛前80分钟也是允许进球的？(Does Arsenal know they don't have to wait 80 mins to score goals?)
好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，让我们拭目以待，来看下期歪果仁们更精彩的犀利吐槽吧！